I realised today that it has been almost four months to the day since I picked up a camera with the express intent to take a photo - and not a snapshot, although those have their own value.
In fact, the last time I did it was the weekend of my fake-21st birthday, down the park with Hannah and Fred when I took this photo.

But that was in August.

In the mean time I have done amazing things like writing a novel in under a month, making amazing new friends, and having a fuck-off good time with my old (and best) ones.

But no photos. The people who know me as a creative person have, well, noticed this. Chris, Stephen, Andrew, Sarah, Simon... They kept asking me, kept on encouraging me, but it did not want to come. I was too tired, going a bit fucking nuts, missing my friends too much. What ever it was, there was something stopping me from taking photos, and that is BAD.

If I don't take photographs I go a bit crazy. It shows. I get emotional, and panicky, and I make terrible decisions, and I become afraid of taking photographs because I forget how much I love it.

I also forget how fucking good I am. And baby, I am good. Not the best, not amazing, but I am fucking better than average and that's what I care about.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. Even though neither of them will ever read this, I find myself needing to thank two people above all others:

Stephen Cotterell, for being my first advocate in the world of photography, for believing in my ability when I was a terrified New Girl to the flickr world and no one else even knew who the hell I was; for believing in my ability to do anything especially when I don't believe it myself; for generally being one of the most inspiring, toughtful and wonderful people I have ever met; and finally for introducing me to the second person on this list:

Chris Harrison. Way back in March of this year Chris took a chance on a slightly wild-about-the-eyes girl in pearls who spent a good portion of the evening sober and trying to hug a cerberus, and offered her a job doing their admin. Fast forward eight months and I'm the fifth member of a six-man team who are all shockingly tallented, and I make websites for them. Chris constantly pushes me to think of bigger and better things, he encourages me to try new things and often pays me to do it. This guy has given me so many new experiences, the most notable of which being having someone who has been right at the top of the creative industry who believes in my ability to create things. And that blows my mind a bit. All I can do is thank him for being himself and to beg him never to stop.

Wow this just decended right down into sap, didn't it? Fuck it, the world would be a better place if people did this more often.

So I'm starting again. Picking up the camera, jumping off the ledge, fighting my way out of the labrynth, straight and fast and on and on forever.

Fuck yeah.

I'm back, baby. I'm back.